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      IN MEMORIAM       THE MASONIC MEMORIAL SERVICE

MASONS HELPING MASONS

A MESSAGE TO PROSPECTIVE MEMBERS

Masonic Humor

Two candidates were elected to enter on the same lodge night, one was a butcher and the other a sales rep. on the night of initiation the butcher went in first, when it came to the charge at the north east corner it was discovered that he had a quarter pound of liver in his pocket that he was going to deliver on his way home, obviously this had to be taken away. the JD took this to the tyler and said this is the butchers liver ,and to this day we haven’t seen the sales rep.

There is the incident of the cop who stopped a car full of Shriners for speeding. When he saw that they were wearing fezzes he said, "Oh! You're Shriners are you? Then I'll let you off this time because they do a lot of good. BUT if you were Masons I'd run you all in.

It seems that another Mason, Master of his Lodge, went to Heaven and met with St. Peter. He identified himself as a member of the Craft and St. Peter asked, "What Lodge?" Proudly the Master replied, "Old Adage Lodge #1." St. Peter immediately took him to the Masonic Clock Room. The Master, in puzzlement, looked around the room which was filled with clocks. Each clock had a Lodge's name on a brass plate and, strangely enough, each clock was at a different time. He asked why and St. Peter informed him that the hands only moved when someone in that Lodge made a mistake in the Ritual. The Master then asked where his Lodge's clock was as he couldn't see it. St. Peter replied, "Why, it's in the kitchen, of course." "The kitchen," said the Master?

"Yes, you see, we needed a new fan."

The Master of the lodge and his two wardens went golfing one day. As they were about to tee off the first hole the course marshal came and asked if a young woman could join their group. Being a charitable group they all agreed. She turned out to be a scratch golfer but on the 18 th. hole she drove the green in two and was about to put for eagle. She then ask the three brothers if any one of them helped her make the put she would be eternally grateful. Well then, the Junior Warden look at the put and told her it was uphill and broke to the right. Well the Senior Warden being a more expert workman looked at it second, and said " That is partially correct but five inches from the hole it breaks back to the left. Well the Master of Lodge then took his turn. He looked at the put carefuly and then went over to the ball, Picked it up and exclaimed " It's a gimme !!!"

At the monthly Building Society meeting much discussion raged about the problem of mice in the Lodge building. Of course several suggestions on how to be rid of them were offered. Mouse traps. mouse poison. Buy a cat. Call an exterminator. The building manager took all this advice under consideration and it was agreed that at the next meeting he would make a report on his progress. Sure enough at the next meeting he was questioned. Did you use my idea of a cat? Did you use mine of traps? Finally he said, "All the mice are gone." All wanted to know how he had accomplished such a feat. "Well...I swore all the mice in as MM and have not seen them since!"

A wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left for the night.  She said, "Honey, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting."  "It was postponed." He replied. "The wife of the Generalisimo Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate wouldn't let him go."